|The other night I had a phone call from a company doing a survey that was rather odd. I've done a number of phone surveys in my time about all kinds of things, but at my age, doing a survey about being beautiful and attracting men and what I found attractive in men seems ridiculous. I made it a point at the beginning of the conversation to be perfectly clear about how old I was, thinking that my age would make it a very short conversation, but the young man on the other end of the conversation appeared unfazed. I found that very odd and I said so.
“I can't imagine why you care what I think,” I told him.
He assured me that the survey was covering a wide range of ages deliberately to find out what people at various stages found attractive in the opposite sex. He then proceeded with the questions.
He asked me to rate qualities in men that I looked for with a goal of establishing a relationship. The qualities he listed were standard stuff, physical attractiveness, fitness, sense of humor, eyes, blah, blah, blah.
I told him that I wasn't looking for a man but if I were, I would be looking for one that didn't annoy me too much.
“Sooo,” he said, “Personality?”
“You can call it that if you like,” I agreed. “I just think of it as the annoying quotient which I determine based upon the annoying scale as dictated by me.”
“Ahh,” he said. “I see.”
Actually, he probably didn't see at all but just went ahead and checked the 'personality' box. I can't blame him since I'm pretty sure there was no 'not annoying' option.
He asked me if this was the same criteria I had when I was younger.
“Unfortunately, no,” I admitted. “When I was younger I probably believed that the annoying stuff was not all that important and wouldn't be an issue.” Boy, was I wrong.
The young man then went on to ask me if I would consider dating someone who did not share my religion, political views, nationality, or race. I told him that I would be happy to so long as they weren't annoying about any of it. I have my priorities.
We then covered a bunch of male health and beauty products like after shave, cologne, body wash, deodorant, etc.. Things were obviously heading into the product survey area where they probably should have started in the first place. With these surveys they can often start out seeming as if someone cares about your opinion when in truth, what they really care about is what you might buy. He asked me what I liked a man to smell like.
“Not like a woman,” I answered.
“Can you think of a product a man in your life has used that fits that description?” He asked. I told him I could not but I would guess that it was something like “Eau de Not Like a Woman”, or “Not Like a Woman Body Spray” or something. Back in the day I liked Old Spice. Mostly, I like clean man smell.
If I wanted to spend time with someone who smells like a woman I would go to the movies with my sister-in-law. She smells good and doesn't annoy me.
We went through some other stupid questions because the poor guy had to, it was his job, but I didn't think any of my answers would be appearing prominently in his survey when we were done. I assumed he would probably just write me off as a bad call when he was done. My goal was to amuse him, which I'm pretty sure I did.
“Look, Kid,” I told him, “I have 3 brothers I love, 2 sons I adore, lots of male friends, and numerous surrogate nephews I enjoy. That's enough for me at the moment.”
“Aren't they ever annoying?” He asked.
“Frequently,” I said. “But I just chalk it up to stupid guy stuff, never take it personally, and distance myself from them until I forget how annoying they can be. It's a win/win for me.”
The young man laughed. “My sister told me just yesterday that I was annoying,” he said.
I told him that he probably was, but she was his sister and she loved him anyway.
“Yes,” he said. “She does.”
Good to know.