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A friend of mine who recently traveled by air spent 20 minutes regaling me with horror stories about her time spent in various airports. There is no doubt about it, air travel has become an invitation to misery in one form or another thanks to security, technical troubles, and scheduling snafus. It got me to thinking about an occasion many years ago when I had to spend 4 hours sitting on a plane on the runway after some kind of technical failure in the aircraft stranded us. The part where I had to sit in a cramped metal cigar tube with a bunch of people I didn't know was bad. The fact that my neighbor turned out to be a talkative conspiracy theorist made it unbearable.
Somewhere in this world there might be a fanatic of some kind who doesn't want to pontificate on his particular point of view, but I haven't met him. Fanatics tend to be the most rabid evangelists on the planet and the most prolific talkers. They seem to go together. My seat mate turned out to be a kind of conspiracy theorist who's mission in life was to convince those of us too naive or too stupid to see the truth that we were woefully ignorant about most things and consequently, I spent 4 hours listening to just how ignorant I really was. According to my fellow traveler, lizard-like aliens were living underground busily hatching a plot to ultimately emerge and take over the world. You might think that such a clear cut theory with what could be only the scantiest of evidence would take about 5 minutes to fully explore, but you would be wrong. It took what felt like several life times. According to this gentleman, the lizard aliens had somehow figured out how to disguise their true appearance and operate above ground like earthlings. Not only that, but they had somehow managed to insinuate themselves into positions of great power and wealth in human society. The Queen of England and the entire British royal family, it turns out, are really alien lizards. Since I had to sit next to the guy for the entire travel ordeal and I had no workable grasp of his mental health or possible reactions, I opted to not laugh hysterically at this assertion.
“Oh, my gosh!” I gasped. “The royal family are really aliens from outer space who look like lizards? And all this time I thought they were just Germans who looked a little like fox hounds. ”
My new friend went on to tell me that they weren't the only ones, that all sorts of people among the rich and powerful were actually aliens setting the stage for world domination. Except for the couple of times I excused myself to go to the lavatory and check to see if blood was leaking out of my ear drums, I endured 4 hours of carefully constructed proof of the inevitability of earth falling under the cruel domination of reptiles from space until we finally took off, dinner was served, and my lizard hunting pal took a nap.
I have heard plenty of conspiracy theories over the years since, some of them crazy and some of them plausible. The people who hold and preach these theories are as different as the theories themselves, with levels of verisimilitude that cover a wide spectrum from loony to scholarly. I have never really been able to get behind the aliens, lizard or otherwise, living underground theories, maybe because it strikes me as something I would never do, travel half way across the galaxy just to live in a cave on another planet. Most alien abduction stories never register on my believability meter, not so much because of the narrative but because the people telling the stories tend to strike me as kind of sad folks who are desperate for attention. If a professor of applied physics ever gets abducted and talks about it, I might listen. On the other hand, it doesn't matter who is claiming to have been abducted when they start to talk about being forced to have sex with aliens because that's when I stop paying attention.
There are plenty of more earthbound conspiracy theorists who spend a lot of time collecting evidence which can often be quite compelling in it's authenticity. I try to keep an open mind. Do I believe that Leonardo Da Vinci was actually an alien from another planet? Not so much. Do I think that Abraham Lincoln was possessed by something from the spirit world? Not at all. Do I think that there have been assassinations of major players that are a lot more complicated than they seem and involve more people than just the supposed assassin? Actually, I think it entirely likely. Do I think that a small group of bankers and financiers are trying to control all the world's financial institutions and governments? Absolutely. I'd trust an alien lizard before I'd trust those guys. Do I believe that Lady GaGa is actually a man in drag? Don't know – don't care.
Its all a matter of opinion and desire to believe in the end, like any belief system. Your proof, ultimately, is mostly just your faith. For all I know, lizard alien bankers are living underground and controlling the world financial markets and governments while little green alien adult film makers simultaneously fly over the earth picking up people to star in their movies and waiting to take over the planet with Lady GaGa as their leader. Anything is possible.
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