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Every year as another New Year rolls around it’s the same old thing. After the wild party with silly hats and obnoxious noisemakers welcoming in the New Year, on another first day of January, I awake, look in the mirror and tell myself that this is it. It’s all going to come together in this new year!
Even more than telling myself that this is the year, I get all dramatic, throw back my shoulders, breathe deeply and say loudly to myself that this is DEFINITELY the year. Using a mirror I look myself in the eye – so to speak – and tell myself as convincingly as I can that more than all previous years when I have done something similar to what I’m doing now, this year just beginning is absolutely the year I’ve had in mind all along and that this is truly the year that I will begin doing ALL the things I was definitely and absolutely and positively going to do during all those other years gone by.
I think what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been promising myself that beginning with the new year – take your pick which year since there have been SOOO many new years – I resolve to do all the usual things people say they’re going to do. Every new year I promise myself that I will join a gym and get fit. Every Jan. 1 I vow to eat healthier, even organic stuff, and lose a pound or two. I swear I will make definite plans to earn lots more money, even if it means calling one of those toll-free numbers advertised on the radio where they guarantee I can make a minimum of $10,000 more a month by working at home a few hours a week. The month of January is also when I say I’m going to get out of debt and, of course, I always say something about getting organized, enjoying life more and spending more time with my family.
And every New Year I make a great start.
In years gone by I’ve always joined a gym in January – as promised – and started going to the gym five or six times a week. Each year, in the past, my wife and I have gone through the kitchen and tossed out all the junk food we know shouldn’t be there and replaced it all with lots of good stuff like fruits and vegetables, lots of lean meat and bags of whole grains and even that trendy 12-grain bread. But well before mud season each year I’m right back to where I started, my resolutions all broken and little more than bad memories.
So, this year I’m planning something radically different. This year, instead of the same old stale resolutions I’m planning to get less exercise, eat more junk food, earn less money and make my life a tad less organized.
I figure that with those resolutions in place, if things go like new years past, every one of those plans will be reversed by April Fools Day and my life should be in pretty good shape.
Happy New Year!
John McDonald is a humorist and storyteller who performs regularly
throughout New England. John’s e-mail address is mainestoryteller@yahoo.com.
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